Stuggles of a Teenage Togruta - Star Wars the Clone Wars Fanfic
by acourtofbooksandreviews
Summary: Ahsoka, like any typical teenage girl, worries about her body image. But what happens when it gets too out of hand? Hope y'all enjoy xoxo!
1. Chapter 1

***Disclaimer* I do not own Star Wars though I rly wish I did.**

Switching between the POV's of Anakin & Ahsoka

Ahsoka's POV

*On board the Resolute*

Covered in dust and dirt, I bolt out of the gunship straight to my quarters as soon as it halted in the hanger. I hear Skyguy's laughter ringing in the background as I left. After such an exhausting mission and barely making it out in one piece due to my Master's 'well thought out' plan and Master Kenobi's 'great' negotiating, I literally cannot wait to get in a steaming hot shower. But first to the mirror, duh obviously.

_Ughhh is it just me or do I look disgusting. _I think to myself. I mean I usually look the horrendous after a mission with Anakin in charge but my features…. Staring at the mirror, I think to myself, _my legs are too fat, short, stubby and all this extra weight I've gained. Eww I look bulky as hell. Just why don't I look good enough._

Maybe just this one meal was worth missing, after all I wasn't too hungry.

Anakin's POV

*Meanwhile in the mess hall*

"Where is she?" I can't help ask. Usually, that bubbly ball of energy would be in the mess hall before anyone else, especially me claiming that she was starving to death or dying of hunger.

"Dunno," replied Obi-wan.

"This is so unlike her," I continue, but my former master couldn't care less.

"Maybe she's eating in her room, though I do agree with you on the fact that it is unlike your Padawan to be skipping meals," answered Obi-Wan logically as always.

We go back to eating our food but something doesn't settle well with me. I make sure to check on Ahsoka afterwards. I drop some food off at her door, she thanks me as well as apologising for losing track of time.

Again 'losing track of time is so unlike her.'

Ahsoka's POV

*skip ahead a few months*

I guess skipping meals became a regular thing after that. I never really felt much about it. Then again, I often found myself battling hunger like it was my arch nemesis.

Anakin didn't exactly take much notice on my sudden change of behaviour or when I skipped meals. Though he always made sure to drop food off at my room whenever I wasn't there. I thank in and pretend to eat some. Once he's long gone and I no longer can hear him, I dump the food in the bin without a second thought.

This lifestyle then became a repetitive cycle, a habit. It's either pills, supplements, water or nothing.

Fatigue hits me harder and easier nowadays and I struggle to keep up with Anakin. Nevertheless, I didn't let it show when out on missions. Otherwise, Skyguy would throw a fit and realise what was really going on and I couldn't have that.

We walk out of briefing together after being assigned a new mission. A simple one this time. Take out a Seppie outpost and trash some clankers in the process. Hardly anything could possibly go wrong with that.

**Short first chapter. Let me know what you guys think. First go at writing this fandom. Feel free to review! xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for not updating in an eternity! **

Anakin's POV

The mission was a huge success and a morale booster. Rex and the boys seemed to need that. We blew those clankers into smithereens. But I can't help notice something off about Ahsoka. Since when did she ever struggle to keep up with me?

I give Rex orders on what to do with the wounded. After a quick nod, he leans asking "Is everything alright with the commander? She seems pretty drained over there."

Rex was right, but if something was wrong or if she was sick, Ahsoka would come to me and talk about it, wouldn't she?

"Ahsoka's been deathly pale the last few weeks, I should probably check in with her."

"Good idea General. I send through the medical reports once their finalised."

"Thanks Rex"

As I was about to walk in Ahsoka's direction, she shot up and made her way over with her classic snippy attitude.

"Hey Skyguy, anything you want me to do?" she asks bright and happy, a total 180 change in the mood she was in three seconds ago.

"Actually Snips, I've been meaning to ask you if you're ok"

I notice a flash of sadness fade over her face but it quickly disappears.

"Why would you be asking me if I'm ok? Are you alright master?"

I couldn't tell if this concern was fake, overshadowing her fear.

"No no Ahsoka I'm all good, it's just you've been looking incredibly ill these past few weeks and your force signature seems to be a rollercoaster. I just want to be there to help you if needed."

Ahsoka's POV

"Oh, I promise it's nothing master, I haven't been sleeping well lately. Nightmares I suppose. Nothing too serious.' I lied.

_Damn that was a close one. _I thought to myself. Anakin didn't seem to buy the explanation, but he didn't push on. I let out an internal sigh of relief.

"Look as long as you're okay Snips that's all that matters. But remember I'm always there for you."

Part of me wanted to reach out and tell him everything. Maybe this situation was serious, maybe I needed help but I shoved those inside thoughts down the drain.

"Will you at least join me in the mess hall?" he asked.

_Damn it! _It would seem too suspicious to turn him down.

"Of course, wouldn't miss it." I answered with an eye roll. I hope he was buying my act.

Back on the cruiser Anakin tries to make conversation while adding the occasional interrogative question. I pick on my food while dodging the intended questions. Anakin seems disappointed in my lack of response. Suddenly I feel nauseous in the stomach. _Ughh consequences of not eating proper food, _I scream in my brain.

Abruptly, I get up telling Anakin that I'm full and retiring to my room. I see his confused look at my plate. I've barely eaten anything. Literally running the minute I'm out of sight, I make it to a bathroom just in time. Everything comes out. Not exactly a pleasant feeling for the gut.

I neaten myself up in the bathroom and head back into my room. I grab the pills, hidden well in my drawers and take a few. I turn around and stare into the dictating mirror that hung on the uncharacteristically grey walls. _Almost there, _I think to myself. _Almost there to a perfect body._

*Few weeks later – Ahsoka has grown weaker and skinnier with lack on muscle*

Anakin's POV

_What is wrong with my Pawadan? She's starting to rock up to training each morning as pale as death. As fragile as glass. It's like her strong willed, stubborn personality flew out the window and straight into a ravine. I can't possibly be a bad master, every time I bring up this issue she brushes it off like it's nothing. I want my Ahsoka back! _Did I really just think that.

The beeping of my comms brings me out of my thinking trance. Before I knew it I was back on the Resolute with Ahsoka out to save Obi-wan's ass once again. The council requested us to lead the air raid. I can't let my mind linger on Ahsoka right now, there are innocent lives at stake.

Ahsoka's POV

Back to save Master Kenobi's ass as Anakin had called it. I began to feel light headed and dizzy. _Why am I so out of it? _

Behind me I hear Rex call out. "Everything alright commander? You seem a bit light headed"

"I think it's just nerves. Master Skywalker has given the responsibility of 3 fighter squadrons to me. I don't want to let them down. You remember what happened on Ryloth?"

"Everyone gets nervous, even Skywalker. He's just a master a hiding it," Rex said with a wink. "About Ryloth, you also have to remember how you redeemed yourself in the end. Without you, I doubt Ryloth would be free of Separatist control."

"Thanks Rex, I really needed that."

"Anytime commander."

Anakin's POV

"Squadrons check in" I say over my comms.

One by one I hear every pilot check in with their commanding and then to Ahsoka and I.

"Very good, attack formation everyone! And Snips do try to keep up." Quite a few chuckles could be heard through the frequency until.

"Just wait and see, Skyguy!" Then an even louder chorus of laughter followed.

"Alright pilots, get your heads straight, we're going in." The thrill of zooming through space was one the things I adored most.

"Boys, you heard the old man, let's go!" snipped Ahsoka.

_There was that sassy attitude. I couldn't believe that I actually missed it._

Everything was going to plan, we were winning which was the usual situation when I was in charge.

Ahsoka's POV

Everything was going to plan, but goodness I felt like the whole universe was collapsing on my head. I would've pulled out but given the situation I didn't want to let Master Skywalker or Master Kenobi down. I seem to be an awful decision-maker since I found myself surrounded by darkness pretty soon. _Kriff, why are you so weak Ahsoka?_

**Next chapter will be out soon...hopefully. Exams are coming up and I am stressed! plz feel free to review xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**EXAMS ARE OVER! Finally uploading next chapter! Hope y'all enjoy.**

Anakin's POV

Well, everything was going according to plan.

That was until Ace, Ahsoka's second in command radioed through. "General, we can't reach the commander. It seems that her fighter has gone off course towards enemy lines."

I look out of my starfighter and see hers drifting way off course. _Kriff, just when I though things were back to normal, you had to pull something like this on me Snips. What has gotten into you? _

"Copy that Ace, I'll try get to her."

I switch my channel directly to my Padawan. "Ahsoka, come in. AHSOKA." I hear no reply. Concern and worry in churning around inside of me. "Ahsoka Tano, do you copy," I was met with silence. What in the actual hell had happened in there?

I check in with Ahsoka's droid. "R7 what's wrong." A bunch of beeps came in reply. "What do you mean she's passed out?" It took a few seconds to realise Ahsoka had actually passed out. "Kriff, R7 see if you can navigate her out of this mess back to the cruiser. I'll contact the bridge."

"Admiral, Ahsoka's unconscious in her fighter. Is there a less chaotic area where you could send someone to collect her fighter?" I practically shout.

In a matter of seconds, Admiral Yularen's reply came. "I've sent out Captain Rex and a few men to the following coordinates."

Immediately I forward those to R7 who beeps in reply. At least she was in Rex's hands now. Able to relax a tiny bit, I re-join the ongoing battle in front of me.

To be honest, my plan worked perfectly, except for Ahsoka going AWOL in space, and when I was sure the clones could handle the rest of the scattered vulture droids, I promptly made my way back into the hanger to check on Ahsoka. Jumping out of the cockpit, I was greeted by Rex.

"Rex, how is she?" uncertainty, anguish and distress all come out at once.

"I'm sorry, but Kix isn't allowing anyone in medbay right now. All I know is that the commander's in good hands General Skywalker."

"What is wrong with my Padawan?"

"Sir, I… *sigh* I wish I knew general, but please don't cause a scene. Not here, not know."

I let out a sigh. _May as well write my mission report during the wait, _I decide as I made my way towards the medbay, Rex trailing behind.

*A few hours later*

Ahsoka's POV

_What the hell, where am I? Wasn't I flying. Holy kriffing shit! _I pretty much shot upright. Then I was met with the firm hands of Kix who I probably have to thank for me being alive right now.

"Commander, please take it easy for now. But first before most I would like to address a certain problem, before the General sees you."

"Kix just get to the point, your anticipation is scaring me," but at that point, I already knew what he was going to say.

"See commander, you're severely malnourished, beyond the starving point. You're lacking key nutrients in your body, that's probably what caused you to go under out there." Kix gestured towards the window.

That wasn't possible, I was taking supplements every day. _How did my eating problem cause me to pass out?_

"But…..how?" I stutter.

"Look commander, I'm taking guesses here, but by looking at your stats that you haven't been eating proper food these past few months, have you?" I nod, since I seem a bit frozen up. "Taking supplements and pills instead of actual food doesn't fulfil the requirements needed by your body. It's dangerous and I want my commander in top shape."

Then it hit me. All of this. The pill obsession, my body image. _Had I really been anorexic? What would Anakin think of this? Would he still want me to be his Padawan? _Panic was all over me and before long warm, wet tears were dripping down my cheeks and onto my sheets like little raindrops. _It was all my fault! _

I think Kix was taken by surprise at my sudden display of raw emotion. After an awkward second or two, he broke the silence while draping an arm across my shoulder and held me close.

"I won't tell the General if you don't want to. For all he knows, you passed out due to a severe migraine. All I want is for you to look after yourself. You were lucky this time." Now it was my turn to be taken by surprise. How did he know that I was worried about what Anakin thought of me.

"Do you think Master Skywalker still want me if I tell him the truth," I say, just a mere whisper.

"If you ask me commander, General Skywalker will be cursing himself for not looking after you, though you might earn yourself a lecture or too." Said Kix in a playful manner.

"Thanks Kix, but do you mind being there when I tell Anakin."

"I'll be there commander, right by your side."

"Well let's bring him in then."

Anakin's POV

I'm pacing, back and forth, screw the mission report, I had made no progress. Then, I hear the click of a door.

"General Skywalker, Commander Tano is awake and ready to see you," announces Kix. "Sir, I suggest you go easy on her, she's currently very weak, dehydrated and feverish. She also would like to talk to you about something."

I nod in his direction. As we enter the room, I see her slim figure carefully placed on top of pillows and sheets.

"Hey Snips, passing out in the middle of a battle in a starfighter is something even I'm yet to accomplish." She tries to laugh but immediately grimaces in pain. "Ahsoka, I sense something's up, it's obvious in Kix's thoughts and in your force signature." Kix makes a baffled face at the thought of being mined read. I send a friendly wink his way. "You haven't been yourself lately and frankly, I'm worried for you Snips."

"Ummm, Master, there's something you should probably know."

I watch Ahsoka take a deep breath. Glancing at Kix, our eyes communicate, he tells me to listen.

"Here goes nothing." Ahsoka says nervously, looking up at the clone medic who gives her an encouraging nod.

Ahsoka's POV

"Anakin, these past months, I've been suffering from eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa to be exact. And I'm sorry I've kept it from you." I see his eyes light up in concern, sadness and protection.

"Ahsoka, I didn't know…." I cut him off before he could finish. I really needed to get it out of my system. I didn't even have to think. The words came, speaking my mind and feelings.

"Just hear me out Master, these past months haven't been what I would call easy. I felt like anorexia was the only thing in my life I had control over, given the war and how unpredictable it is. It was part of me, something that I was able to call mine. My mind was consumed with worry, guilt and regret. Food was the enemy. Calories were the soldiers. Exercise was the drill. Little did I know how ugly it could get and it got real ugly, Master. It started when I came back from a mission with you and Master Kenobi a while ago. I just remember staring at the mirror and my mind saw myself as ugly, fat, imperfect…..." Gosh these tears buried deep down were all resurfacing. Anakin held me while I cried, like a tight security net that made me feel safe. _I must be making the biggest fool out of myself. _It wasn't long before I regained my composure and continued.

"My life became consumed with calories, daily weigh-ins, my thighs ughhhh. Then it became obsessive and uncontrollable. It possessed me, it defined me. I just remember that day on Coruscant, all those pretty, perfect, skinny girls in that bar. From then on, I bought pills, supplements, laxatives and I started eating close to nothing. I remember being so weak from training that I was close to crying every time. Nevertheless, I kept reminding myself that had to keep on going if I wanted to look perfect. I'm sorry I've disappointed you Master. Please don't drop me."

And with that said, all of it was out. I felt the weights lifting off my shoulders. Along with the words, pools of tears came flooding down.

**Feel free to review xx. No hate plz, just constructive criticism if you must. **


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